Today is the type of day I stop, take a breath, and wonder to myself:

“Are they just trying to keep it together?”

I’ve been watching the news, just like you, and following the over 2300 kids from April to June separated from their parents. I’ve been watching in horror and fear that they are setting up internment camps for kids and adults in places because of the new zero-tolerance policy the Trump administration put into place.

But today… I wondered about the White House Press Conference.

You see, they tend to happen a little late, maybe 30 minutes or so, and sometimes they may be pushed from 1:30pm to 3:30pm to, at worst, 4pm.

Today, it went from 1:30pm to 5PM. FIVE O’CLOCK ON A MONDAY.

That’s because Sarah Huckabee Sanders didn’t want to talk about child separation. A few weeks ago a child was invited into the news room to ask a question and the child asked, point blank, “I’m afraid to go to school and get shot. What is this administration doing to stop this?” Sarah got choked up and held back the tears as she gave the most heartfelt response I’ve ever seen her give. She’s a mother, and she loves her job.

Rumors flew last week that she would be leaving last Friday and that, along with the delayed press conference and that question had me wonder if she was going to quit today. Would this be it?

Then I heard that Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen was going to speak because Sarah couldn’t do it. But then it kept getting pushed back more and more.

I thought, “Maybe they’re having a moment of crisis, a moment where they’re seriously questioning what they’re doing. Maybe they’re talking about quitting right now and are talking themselves out of it!” I honestly hope they did.

With many people in this administration, its clear they’re not happy with what they’re doing. Former White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer spent his first day famously lying on behalf of Trump about crowd side, and constantly had to lie to appease his boss.

Many people in this administration clearly feel they have to do whatever their boss wants, not because they think that’s the job, but because they’re trying to keep this country going. They do what they consider to be the “allowable evil” of doing a lie or sticking up for a bad idea because, to them, they think they’re better than the alternatives: Either someone who would actively work to really implement Trump’s policies to their maxim and do irreparable harm to the nation, or face the prospect of no one taking their place.

The minutes turned into hours and finally the press conference began. Neither woman was apologetic for the role they had in their actions, and neither was ready to back down.

I like to imagine they had a moment of crisis, of wanting to resign, and telling themselves, “I’m doing this to help keep this nation together.” I like to imagine that. If not, the alternative is much, much worse:

“We did as we were told…”